It is a deeply rooted somewhere within my being to fix things. I am, by nature, a fixer. I am driven to fix. Perhaps you have heard the statement, "If women don't find ya' handsome, they should at least find ya' handy." That definitely does not apply to me. The type of fixing I am talking about has nothing to do with saws and hammers. I am about as handy with tools as a gorilla would be delicate with flowers. For any LOST fans, think of me as more like Jack Shephard than Home Improvement's Tim Allen. What I'm talking about is fixing problems. I am a fixer of problems...or at least I try to be.
Whether this is a curse or a blessing, I am not sure yet. Right now, I tend to see it as both. This need to fix things has several implications. To begin with, it drives me to the core of the problems I encounter. That means I am very inquisitive. If something isn't working, I will do anything in my power to find out why. While that may be a good thing, it does mean that I can tend to push a little too much on occasion. This also means that I am very dedicated and driven. I keep plugging away until I find a resolution. Again, not always a bad thing; however, truth be told, there are some things we really don't want to resolve or perhaps shouldn't resolve. In life, sometimes tension is necessary. The fact that there isn't always a solution to every problem can be a tough pill to swallow, especially for a fixer.
That I am a fixer must be somewhat obvious to those around me. That is likely why friends and family come to me with their issues. They know I will listen and try to give objective answers to help alleviate the pressure. Relationship issues seem to be the most common ones they bring to me. The ironic part is that I haven't had very many relationships. In all reality, with relationships, I make a lot of it up as I go. What is even more baffling to me is the fact that I have failed at marriage once, and yet they still seek my guidance and counsel. As I think about it more, I guess I can tell them how NOT to do things.
For a fixer, the big red flag here is control. My need to fix things puts me in and keeps me in control until I have exhausted every avenue. It is then, and only then I am able to release my grip and begin to turn things over to the one in control of everything. In case you can't read between the lines, the one I'm talking about is God. Reality is, I am not in control...even when I think I am. Control really is just an illusion. What that means for me is that some things will always be broken until I hand them over to the one who can truly fix everything. God is in the business of saving the lost, righting wrongs, and redeeming what seems unredeemable. At the end of the day, things will play out the way they need to...as long as I relinquish my need to fix things and let God work. Don't be fooled, it doesn't come naturally or easy for fixers, but there is no other choice.