FIGHT

I will never forget the day I got into my first fight. It was a brisk day, with streaks of white painting the otherwise bright blue sky. The summer, sandwiched between my fourth and fifth grade years, had been pretty uneventful thus far. Little did I know this day would set off a chain reaction of events that would send the rest of my summer into a whirlwind of chaos. Actually, I just made all of that up! I find the memory of my younger years is pretty hit and miss. I have bits and pieces here and there; not enough to really put the entire puzzle together.

I'm not sure how old I was. Which season the day actually fell on is still a mystery to me. I can't even tell you if this was my first fight. Honestly, none of that really matters. But I am certain this was one of many fights I took part in until I reached high school. Growing up, I'm 99% certain I had what some people would call "Little Man Syndrome." Perhaps you have heard it referred to as "Napoleon Complex." Not that it makes much difference what the technical terminology is. There are only two things you really need to know in reference to this psychological phenomenon. First, I was short. How short exactly, I don't recollect. But considering the average height of a male is just a hair over 5'9" and I'm only 5'4", it is safe to assume most guys had about 6 inches on me. The second thing you should know, I was overly aggressive. That was my way of compensating for my lack of height. Let me put it another way for you. If someone looked at me funny, I was ready to rumble.

Now that I've set the scene, let's pick up with the action. For the sake of the story we will say it occurred one weekend while school was in session. This is pretty plausible since I vaguely recall an altercation leading up to this fight a day or two prior. The contender, who happened to be my arch nemesis throughout Elementary School, was named Kenneth Leathers. There was something about this guy that just rubbed me the wrong way. Perhaps it was the incessant harassment. After a while, it really began to wear on me. Come on, a kid can only take so much!

Kenneth was tall and lanky. But then again, from my perspective, everyone was tall. He was the cowboy type; always strutting around in Wranglers and cowboy boots. We were roughly the same age. And it just so happened that we lived in the same trailer park. (If you don't believe any of this, feel free to look him up on Facebook. You will see we were both from Rapid City, graduated high school the same year and he is even wearing a cowboy hat, leaning against a tree, holding an acoustic guitar. And by the way, he still looks taller than me.)

As I mentioned, there were regular altercations between the two of us. Apparently I had enough! And I decided we were going to settle this once and for all. After some discussion, the two of us agreed to meet by the old barn, the following day at dusk. Actually, it wasn't a barn at all. The meeting place was a playground near the trailer park. And I'm pretty sure it was broad daylight when the fight went down. (It sounded a bit more cinematic meeting by the old barn at dusk.)

The day finally arrived and my older brother and I made preparations for the throw down that was about to ensue. I put on my tightest fitting clothes so he wouldn't really have anything to latch onto. And I certainly wasn't going to wear a shirt he could easily pull over my head in order to beat me to a pulp. Then I grabbed my only pair of cowboy boots from the closet and slipped them on. (Don't judge me! I was a little kid and didn't know any better.) I should probably leave out the fact that we came across some brass-knuckles to take to the fight as well...but I guess it's too late now. I'm not sure where they came from, but I can guarantee you, they were never put to use that day.

While my brother and I made the journey to the playground he proceeded to give me a pep talk. Picture Mickey telling Rocky Balboa "You'll be able to spit nails, kid. Like the guy says, you're gonna eat lightning and you're gonna crap thunder. You're gonna become a very dangerous person." and you get the idea. Knowing my brother, it was likely eloquent and pretty inspiring (take note of the sarcasm). It was probably something more like "Beat him up!"

In the distance I saw Kenneth standing in the middle of the playground. He had a small crew of guys with him; which was why my brother came along. To ensure it was a fair fight and there wasn't any tag team stuff going down. When I got to the playground, I walked toward Kenneth, likely spouted off a few smart remarks and came out swinging. I landed a few punches before he grabbed ahold of me and threw me to the ground. I got back up, charged in swinging and took a few hits from him in the process. It was then I decided to make use of my cowboy boots and kick him...anywhere really. We continued to tussle for a few minutes as the fight made its way to the merry go round. For some idiotic reason he decided to stand on it. I guess he thought taking the high ground was a wise decision. I used my quick wit, grabbed one of the bars and started spinning the merry go round as fast as pssible. He held on as long as he could; but eventually gravity won and threw him to the ground. At this point I found it prudent to jump on his chest and throw a few punches.

And that's where it ended. I don't recall why the fight stopped. I know we both had a few bumps and bruises. It was interesting trying to explain that to my parents when I got home. But, I was able to hold my head a little higher that day. I finally had the courage to defend myself. And according to Fight Club, I now knew myself. Oh yeah, Kenneth never messed with me again.

I'm not sure why I shared this with you. Maybe it's because my buddy John Samuel said I should share some of my stories. I guess perhaps it has to do with the fact that I just needed to write and this happened to be on my mind. In addition to that, I have been wrestling with my other posts a little too much lately and needed a break from them. Hopefully this will help the words to start flowing on the 4 or 5 posts I have in progress right now. In the meantime, you have something to read and you know a little more about me.

TRUTH FOR LIE, Part 2

These truths have been taken at face value by many of us. Let me reiterate, that approach is not entirely wrong. When it comes to issues of faith and God, there are many things we must simply take at face value. For example the truth that God is omnipresent is one such truth. No matter how much I try to understand it, I will never fully comprehend this reality. However, in taking things at face value, we run the risk of missing some deeper truths. And the way I see it, when it comes to many of these truths we are about to look at, we have done God a severe injustice. Each of them has been placed neatly in a box we have been carrying around.


Before we go any further, there are a few things you need to know about this box. First thing's first; I am not talking about a literal box. (The idea that we actually tote around a box is preposterous. If you happen to literally have the box I am about to describe, you may want to stop reading, find the nearest trash can and throw it away. I'm sure you're getting tired of lugging it around.) Rather, each of us sub-consciously carries this box around. And inside we place only that which can be observed with our five senses. Translation--in the scheme of things, this box is pretty small! On the outside of the box is a label that reads "God." Overall, this has resulted in a diminished understanding of who God is and how God operates.


Lucky for all of us, my God box happens to be sitting at my desk as I write this. I'm going to open it up and see what ideas about God we have been placed in this tiny container. In this list you will find 4 common truths (in no way are these exhaustive) about the nature of God that we have exchanged for lies.


Truth #1: God is a God that can be known. 

"And this is the way to have eternal life—to know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, the one you sent to earth." (John 17:3)


Truth #2: God is a God that is changeless. 

"I am the LORD, and I do not change." (Malachi 3:6a)


Truth #3: God is a God of absolutes.

"All he does is just and good, and all his commandments are trustworthy. They are forever true, to be obeyed faithfully and with integrity." (Psalm 111:7-8)


Truth #4: God is a God of law.

"Don't misunderstand why I have come. I did not come to abolish the law of Moses or the writings of the prophets. No, I came to accomplish their purpose. I tell you the truth, until heaven and earth disappear, not even the smallest detail of God's law will disappear until its purpose is achieved." (Matthew 5:17-18)


At the onset of this, I hope you realize each of these statements is entirely factual. These ideas come straight from Scripture. They are 100% true. No falsehood can be found in any of them. However, as we will see over the course of this discussion, these truths have been taken to some illogical conclusions. The result is that we have painted an inaccurate portrait of the reality that is God.


Several summers ago I spent a week on vacation in Las Vegas. A lot of walking (I mean a lot) and a ridiculous amount of sight seeing was done. There was an exorbitant amount of pictures taken, several shows were attended, and did I mention there was a lot of walking that took place? And of course I had to purchase several souvenirs. One of my favorite souvenirs from that trip was a drawing. However, this was no ordinary drawing. Only one of it's kind exists in the entire world. It's probably even worth millions of dollars!


I bought this drawing while wandering around in one of the hotels. I stumbled across an artist that specialized in caricatures. In order to commemorate the trip I had one done. Just sitting there was pretty entertaining. Everyone that walked by would stop to look at the picture, then look at me, then look back at the picture and give me a thumbs up or smile. One passerby even burst into laughter. I have to admit that one made me a bit nervous. In case you aren't sure what a caricature is, let me give you a definition. A caricature is “a representation, especially pictorial, in which the subject's distinctive features or peculiarities are deliberately exaggerated to produce a comic or grotesque effect.”


This is exactly what we have done with many of these “truths” of God.  We have (whether accidentally or deliberately) made God, in a sense, into a caricature—exaggerating His traits that we can relate to most or those that seem most viable to us.


It's time we address the first truth and it's corresponding lie.


Some within the Christian faith have taken the truth that God can be known and twisted it in such a way that they believe He is a God who can be understood. But if we turn to Isaiah 55:8-9, we find this just isn't the case. To all of us, God says: "My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts. And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts."


Please don't misunderstand the point I am making. In no way do I want you to believe God is this distant being so different from us that he cannot be known at all. There are some religions (and even some Christians) that will hold to this truth. Sometimes they will argue that god is so unique from humanity it is absurd to think that finite humans can relate or know him in any significant way. This is not so when it comes to the God of Christianity. I contend that although we cannot fully know everything about God, we can still know him. Notice I said we can know him, not necessarily understand him. There is a big difference, which Isaiah clarifies! 


If that isn't proof enough, look to the book of Job. In there you will find a section titled "The Unanswerables." Here God asks Job a series of questions that, as you might guess, Job has no answers for. For example, he asks Job questions like: Where were you when the earth was created? Who put the boundaries on the water? Can you tell the sun when to rise and when to set?


Although God cannot be understood, we can know many true things about him. For example, we know that God is love 1 John 4:8, "But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love." Elsewhere in Scripture we discover that God is spirit John 4:24, "For God is Spirit, so those who worship him must worship in spirit and in truth." Perhaps you have even heard God referred to as being just or righteous, Romans 3:26 says "...God did this to demonstrate his righteousness, for he himself is fair and just, and he declares sinners to be right in his sight when they believe in Jesus." These traits of God have been revealed to us via many different avenues. However, they are more than mere facts to be stored in our mind. They are truths we can see and experience in life every day, if only our eyes are open. 


Since God has chosen to reveal himself to his creation in a variety of ways we can know him personally, meaningfully, and significantly. Albeit in a limited but ever-increasing way throughout eternity.

TRUTH FOR LIE, Part 1

USA Today conducted a national survey of 1,721 Americans. This survey asked 77 questions with nearly 400 answer choices that burrowed deeply into beliefs, practices, and religious ties.

The results are as follows:

Though 91.8% of those interviewed say they believe in God their views varied widely. How they see God's personality and engagement in human affairs can by classified into 4 overarching categories. These four categories were dubbed by researchers as: Authoritarian, Benevolent, Critical and Distant.

The Authoritarian God (31.4% of Americans overall) is angry at humanity's sins and engaged in every creature's life and world affairs. He is ready to throw the thunderbolt of judgment down on “the unfaithful or ungodly.” Those who envision God this way “are religiously and politically conservative people, more often black Protestants and white evangelicals."

The Benevolent God (23% overall) still sets absolute standards for mankind in the Bible. This group, which draws more from mainline Protestants, Catholics and Jews, sees primarily a forgiving God, more like the father who embraces his repentant prodigal son in the Bible.

The Critical God (16% overall) has his judgmental eye on the world, but he's not going to intervene, either to punish or to comfort. “This group is more paradoxical. They have very traditional beliefs, picturing God as the classic bearded old man on high. Yet they're less inclined to go to church or affiliate seriously with religious groups. They are less inclined to see God as active in the world. They are definitely not liberal, but they're not quite conservative, either.”

The Distant God (24.4% overall) is “no bearded old man in the sky raining down his opinions on us.” Those who hold this view of God see a cosmic force that launched the world, then left it spinning on its own. This has strongest appeal for Catholics, mainline Protestants and Jews. It's also strong among “moral relativists,” those least likely to say any moral choice is always wrong, and among those who don't attend church.

Maybe your view of God doesn't fall in line with any of these. Perhaps, to you, God sounds more like "a mean kid over an anthill with a magnifying glass. And [you're] the ant. He could fix [your] life in five minutes if he wanted to, but he'd rather burn off [your] feelers, and watch [you] squirm!"

Let's turn a corner for a moment, open your Bible and read Romans 1:19-25.

If you've done that, let me offer an explanation where I'm going with this. In this passage we read how these individuals who knew God started to lose sight of who God really was. Why they made this turn we aren't entirely sure, but I'm almost certain it started with their exchange of the truths of God for seemingly insignificant lies.

From Scripture, we are sometimes given a clear and concise depiction of who God is. However, most of what we read about God is a bit murky at best. Because of that, God offers some room (I said some, not a lot; don't deem me a heretic yet) for our varying beliefs. Thus, we have a plethora of varying denominations, translations of Scripture, and ideas of who God really is. That is why I am a firm believer none of us has the market on God. If you look close enough, you will see things you don't agree with in any church. You might find various translations of Scripture that don't seem to paint the picture you have in mind. When it comes down to it, they may not be entirely wrong; however, there still has to be some common denominators that fall in line with his true character.
Due to human nature, the way our mind functions, our perceptions of reality, and our varying experiences, some of us tend to relate to a “different” God. What I mean by that is this, we find it easier to understand and believe some characteristics of God more than others. How about an example? A person that values justice (that would be me) has a hard time grasping the merciful side of God. Is this wrong? Not entirely! Bottom line, we may have a somewhat incorrect or at the very least a skewed view of who God is.

There is always a danger this will inadvertently lead us to exchange the truths of God for lies. For that reason it is good to read books and listen to speakers outside our comfortable paradigm. It challenges us and helps us to sort fact from fiction...when it lines up with the overarching themse of Scripture. In the posts to follow, we will take a look at some of these truths we have exchanged.

OUR GOD, Part 2

Now, to the topic at hand: What does this promise to be our God mean, thousands of years later?

To begin with, it means that God knows me intimately. “You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb.” (Psalm 139:13) If you are anything like me, this verse should freak you out. God knit me together. He knows all the intimate details of what makes me who I am. He has a purpose and a plan for my life. He knows how I am going to react and respond to each and every situation. And scarier still, He knows what I’m thinking--before I even think it. There are some things I don’t want anybody to know, especially an all holy God. But the incredible reality is this: given the fact that God knows all of these things about me, He is still willing to lay it on the line. He still offers himself as a sacrifice. And He still wants to enter into a relationship with me. If my closest friends knew some things about me, I’m not entirely sure they would want to be around me sometimes. Fortunately, that is not the case with the very God of the universe.

You see, for the longest time this scared me because I thought of God as this rule-maker; this fun-sucker; this celestial being waiting to strike me down for the stupid things I did (and trust me, I've done a lot of stupid things). It turns out that isn’t the case at all. When He says He knows me intimately, He’s really saying that He knows the ugly stuff and still chooses to accept me. That's a pretty sobering thought!

This also means that God will take care of me. “For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future.”  (Jeremiah 29:11)

Often where we get confused is differentiating our wants and our needs.

His promise to be our God also brings to the fore-front His offer of unconditional love.

Now for the second and probably more important part of this passage; thousands of years after this promise, what does it mean for us to be the people of God? How does this apply to my everyday life? How does it change things?

To begin with, this means we must walk in faith. What is faith? “Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see.”  (Hebrews 11:1)

Basically this is just a big word for trst. Do I trust God? When the Bible talks about faith and love toward God, this is what it comes down to. In the midst of all that is going on, do I trust God. A great quote of Brennan Manning's sums it up well, "Perhaps it means more to God when we say I trust you, than when we say I love you." Trust is a preeminent expression of love. I can love someone without totally trusting them, but I cannot trust someone without totally loving them.

It also means that we must be devoted. Tons of Scripture makes this point clear. God says we must be either hot or cold, he who is not with me is against me, no one can serve two masters, either you love God or you love the world—there is no riding the fence here. God will not stand for us to be fickle…we must decide to serve him or serve any other number of things. Basically, God is asking ‘will you be faithful?’

We must also learn to live sacraficially. There is this myth out there about relationships (well, actually there are a lot), but one of the bigger ones is this: a relationship will only succeed if two people are compatible. They say this is true of all relationships, but especially an intimate relationship. Let me clear things up and tell you that is not entirely true. There is no scientific equation or mathematical formula that will predict the likelihood of a realtionship succeeding. If there is I'm not aware of it and would like to see this. It would certainly save a lot of hassle. I wholeheartedly believe there is only one thing required for a relationship to succeed. And I'm going to let you in on the secret right now...it's sacrifice. For any relationship to succeed, both parties must choose to put their own wants and needs on the backburner in order that they may put the wants and needs of the other above their own (of course, there is always the risk they will take advantage of it, but that is a separate discussion altogether). In doing so, you find your needs will be met beyond your wildest imaginiation (at least with God). This is one of the paradoxes of the faith.

The whole idea here is one of mutual pursuit. As I pursue God, He will pursue me!

EXPECTATIONS

"We're not mad...just disappointed!"

This is one of those statements that cuts deep. Hearing this from the ones we respect and love is like a dagger to the heart. Personally, I'd rather someone be mad at me than disappointed. Their anger will subside given enough time. But the tinge of disappointment lingers. It's as though I've crushed their hopes and dreams by not upholding the expectations they had for me.

Chances are, you have disappointed a few people in your life. The reason being, everyone we surround ourselves with has certain expectations of us. Our parents have expectations about the individual we will become. Our teachers have expectations about the grades we will receive. Our friends have expectations about our loyalty. Our employers have expectations about how well we will perform. With these expectations comes undue pressure. Is it a wonder why many of us have issues with performance and anxiety? No wonder ideas of grace and mercy seem so foreign to us and are so tough to grasp.

I have felt this pressure in my life. And at times the expectations of others have become a weight far too burdensome to bear. For me, this seems to be especially true as a follower of Christ. Add to that the calling I sense God has placed on my life to do ministry and take into account my ministerial degree. Perhaps those factors give you a glimpse of how the expectations can grow exponentially overwhelming. Sometimes I feel as though everyone expects me to be perfect.

There are expectations about my behavior. I won't smoke, drink or chew, or run with girls who do. There are expectations about how I will dress and look. There are expectations about what I will do with my spare time. There are expectations about who is suitable for dating. They need to have these attributes, those attitudes, that demeanor, etc. There are expectations about what jobs I will take. There are expectations about what places I will (and will not) enter and patronize. They are a Christian bookstore. That place is too sinful. That business supports gay marriage. With all of these expectations, how is anyone (let alone leaders within the church) to stand a chance?

Just look at these staggering statistics from leaders of the church:

33% feel burned out within the first five years of ministry.
33% say that being in ministry is a hazard to their family.
50% feel unable to meet the demands of the job.
94% feel under pressure to have a perfect family.

My feeling is that those trying to walk closely with God have felt the pressure to perform on a regular basis. In all honesty, some expectations are understandable and even Biblical. I will admit to you that I do strive to meet many of those expectations for that reason. I will also admit to you that, numerous times a day, I fail at meeting them. In part because I am an imperfect being. And because many of the expectations others place on every one of us is unrealistic. Those expectations are like a pedestal. And if we know anything about pedestals, it should be that they easily come crashing down. We need only turn to the Bible to see this.

Look to some of the greats of our Christian faith and you will see what I mean. I bet the expectations placed on them were far greater than any I have felt the need to meet. Granted, we read the accounts of everyone I am about to mention and see they exceeded those expectations and did do some great things. But we also see every last one of them disappointed people and fell flat on their face. Noah stepped out in faith and built an ark during a drought. Keep reading and you will discover that he also got drunk and exposed himself. Abraham offered his only son Isaac as a sacrifice and was the father of many nations. The rest of the story reveals that he wavered back and forth and lied to cover his own hide. Moses delivered his people from exile. He also argued with God and had quite a temper. David, the king of Israel, the man after God's own heart, part of the lineage of Jesus was part of a major cover-up. Elijah put all the prophets of Baal in their place only to tuck and run eventually throwing a pity party. Lot got drunk and committed incest. Jacob cheated his brother. Jonah was cold-hearted and bitter. Jeremiah had a less than thriving ministry. John the Baptist had doubts about Jesus. James and John, the disciples of Jesus, were nicknamed "Sons of Thunder." Peter denied Jesus three times. I think you get the point.

One of the great things about Scripture is its honesty! The Bible doesn't pull any punches. It gives you the entire story. Not the watered down, fairy-tale version of what happened. Noone's downfalls and shortcomings are glossed over. We see the good, the bad and the ugly. And I take comfort in that. It puts things into perspective knowing that I am not alone.

So, this morning, I was reminded, yet again, those expectations don't matter. My worth and value is not based on fulfilling anyone's expectations--even my own. "If you accept the expectations of others, especially the negative ones, then you will never change the outcome;" turns out Michael Jordan was onto something. The only expectations that are truly significant are those given by my heavenly father. And the great thing about these expectations is that I don't have to meet them by my own doing or in my own power. He will enable me to not only meet, but surpass them! Afterall, God wants to do accomplish more through me than I want to accomplish myself.

OUR GOD, Part 1

Have you ever bared your soul to someone? Maybe you told them your deepest darkest secret. Perhaps you took a risk and told someone you loved them. Either way, you most likely hoped they would reciprocate. But there is always the possibility they won’t. They may reject it. If you are human, it's likely you have experienced rejection. And let's be candid--rejection sucks!

But we can take comfort in knowing that we are not alone. From the time the foundation of Earth was laid, man has continually rejected their creator. Even in the midst of our rejection and rebellion, He is still willing to risk it all. God is committed to you and me more than we can ever comprehend. Just listen to a couple of promises God makes to us, even today.

"They will be my people and I will be their God."   (Jeremiah 32:38)

"But now, O Jacob, listen to the LORD who created you O Israel, the one who formed you says, 'Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you. I have called you by name; you are mine. When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you. For I am the LORD, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. I gave Egypt as a ransom for your freedom; I gave Ethiopia and Seba in your place. Others were given in exchange for you. I traded their lives for yours because you are precious to me. You are honored, and I love you.'”  (Isaiah 43:1-4)

God has made Himself vulnerable. At the most basic level, He is giving us a proposal. He throws the ball in our court. God says, "I want to enter into an intimate, monogamous relationship with you. I want to be the only God in your life. And I will give myself wholly to you." God risked it all. He steps out and risks that we will reject Him.

Let me put this in some easy to understand, applicable terms. Right here, God says He doesn’t want worthless religion. Following a list of rules and regulations won't cut it. Half-hearted devotion will not suffice. Whoring around with worthless idols is a lose-lose. And guess what, nothing has changed. The same reality holds true today. God has made himself vulnerable.  He made the first move. He says "I’m committed to you and I want to know where you stand. Will you reciprocate in this relationship? Will you love, honor and trust me?"

It's your move!

Before you respond, how about we dig a little deeper? In this very passage I believe God is giving us a glimpse into what it means to be His people. Nowhere in this passage do I see anything about rules or regulations. There is no discussion of sacrifices or burnt offerings. He doesn't even mention any of the 10 Commandments. In all reality, He doesn’t quantify or qualify anything. So, if none of that is what it really means to be the people of God, what does it mean to be the people of God?

First, we must understand what exactly God is saying when He promises to be our God.

Before we get into that we must first understand this. Almost all religions ‘gods’ make the claim that they will be our god. However, it is only Christianity that makes good on that promise. While the 'gods' of other religions remain distant and disconnected. Our God, the God of Christianity, the One, True God is the only one who sacrificed Himself to bridge the gap and ransom us back to himself.  Furthermore, after that, He utters these promises: "I will be with you always. I will dwell within you. I am in the midst of you. I will never leave you nor forsake you." And you should know God can't break these promises--nor does he intend to.

WHY

There is a story tucked away in the ninth chapter of John about a man who was born blind. It offers some insight into one of humanity's most frequently asked questions. If you are a parent, your children ask this question any time you tell them to do something. A majority of teenagers continue to ask this question to anyone in a position of authority. If you are an adult, you ask this question any time things don't go your way. And everyone who has a heart asks this question when evil and injustice are witnessed. If you haven't yet figured out the question, it's "why?"

And we pick up this encounter with the blind man as Jesus and His disciples are walking along the road. It seems the disciples travel this road and see this man on a regular basis. Likely they have stopped and conversed with this man from time to time. Which is probably how they are privy to the fact that he was blind from birth. But this time their Rabbi, Jesus, is with them. And since the question has been bothering them for some time, they finally gather the courage to speak up. They ask the question everyone has been wanting to ask, "Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” The disciples were searching for answers. I sense what they were really getting at is why God allowed this to happen?

We, like the disciples have asked God the very same question. It is our natural inclination to wonder where an all knowing, all loving God is in the midst of pain. We resort, just like the disciples, to asking God "Why?” I can recount numerous times in my life where I thought things were going well. For the most part, I was doing what I thought I needed to do. Lo and behold, everything came crashing down. Ministry was taken from me. The car broke down. Finances didn't come in. My wife left me. At the onset of each of these situations a wrestling match with God ensued.

The two biggest "why's" of my life occurred within about a 2 year span.

To completely understand the first situation you should know that for the majority of my high school career I ran from the ministry calling God had given me a glimpse of. Nearing the end of high school, after rebelling long enough, I gave in. During those years I had finally come to the realization that God had a better plan for my life than I did. So, I spent 4 years in college pursuing my BA in Pastoral Ministry. It was then I found purpose and satisfaction. It was then that I jumped at each and every ministry opportunity. I would spend countless hours immersing myself in Scripture. The idea of ministry was enthralling to me. I was going to do great things for God and change the world.

Now, for the first big "why." It came at the end of my tenure as Assistant Pastor at a church in Wyoming. Remember that I felt I was finally doing what I was created to do. Almost two years into that position, I was discouraged and burnt out. Due to unforeseen circumstances I left the church and walked away from ministry. That first year I spent countless hours asking “why?” Why didn't my ministry thrive? Why hadn't things gone better? Why did I now despise the one thing I loved just a few years before? You know what? The answers never came. Then, in bitterness, I began to wrestle with God and keep Him at a safe distance. For a short time, I was even on the brink of walking away from the Church completely.

Jump ahead two years in my life for the big "why" number two. I seem to be living out a sitcom. You know what I'm talking about; life is going as planned and every problem can be solved in 30 minutes. My wife and I had just bought a house. We had started trying to have children. I was established at my job and getting raises on a regular basis. I found a church that felt like home. I was beginning to plug back into ministry. Then a wrench gets thrown into the equation. I find out my marriage is eroding and my wife is leaving me. You better believe the "why's" came pouring from my heart. Why did God allow this to happen? Why didn’t He change her heart? Why didn’t He save my marriage? Why did I have to go through this? Why am I being punished? As you might guess, again, the answers didn't come.

In both instances, for the longest time, I lived in limbo thinking God would provide some specific answer. That God would tell me exactly what he was doing and why these seemingly bad things were happening (this sounds an awful lot like the disciples question in John chapter 9). Finally, after months without answers, I eventually came to a point where I gave up. The realization I came to was that the "why's" didn't matter. Knowing why wasn't going to change anything. It wouldn't make the problem more bearable. It wasn't going to alter my past. Having the answers wouldn't drastically change my future. Knowing the "why's" would only give me a false sense of control and contribute to the delusional thoughts that I could change things. That I could make things better. That I could make ministry work. That I could make her love me. And here, we jump back into John chapter 9.

Jesus answers the disciples question. He does not leave us with some mysterious purpose for the man’s blindness. Instead, Jesus offers hope. He rejects the disciples' desire to point fingers at who is to blame by clarifying that God isn't to blame for everything. Furthermore, Jesus shows us the proper response to evil by fighting for this man's healing.

Is it possible this man’s blindness had nothing to do with his or his parents action or inaction. Could it be that, in a sense, they were all innocent bystanders. Perhaps it was part of some master plan in order that the work of God may be manifest in his life. If we believe that, we have to ask why God would make someone blind for the sole purpose of healing him someday? To prove that He could? To bring Himself glory? Surely God, who is love, could find a less harmful way to glorify Himself. Afflicting someone to gain glory by stopping their affliction sounds more like the work of the devil than God. I choose to view this in a different way. Rather than painting a picture of a capricious God who makes a man blind for the purpose of healing his blindness, this passage reveals a loving God who sent His Son to manifest His works by healing a man oppressed by evil.

Jesus instructed the disciples, and us, as to the proper response when such evil prevails. He then modeled what he came to do—to put an end to injustice and to comfort and heal the oppressed. He said, “Let the works of God be manifest in him,” showing compassion for the man. Then he turned to his disciples and reminded them that they must do the same.

Jesus never really gave the disciples the answer they were looking for. Instead he showed them the importance of moving from "why," to "what now?" Seeing the importance of this paradigm shift moved me from fear and trepidation to action. I quit dwelling on the past and began focusing on the future. I took responsibility for the part I had to play in the outcome and started changing the things I could. And I came to the realization the disciples came to...more often than not, the "why's" don't get answered. Because we don't need to understand--to understand doesn't require faith. Following God doesn't mean we get to know everything. It requires we have faith that He knows what He is doing and will, one day, work things out for good.

The conclusion I drew from those times of doubt were priceless. No matter what, I have to choice to push ahead and see how God will make His glory known through any given situation. I continue to move forward trusting that God has bigger and better things in store for me (and you)...some day.