FEAR

When I was little--scratch that, 'cause I'm still only 5'4".  When I was younger, I was afraid of the dark. Any of you that know me will find this hard to believe since I am so rugged and manly, but it's true. At night, when I was heading to bed, I would turn off the light and sprint across my room. About three feet away from my bed, I would jump and launch myself directly into the middle of my bed. Why? Because I was certain there was something living beneath the box spring that would take out my feet and suck me under if I got too close in the pitch black. I am elated to report to you that this fear no longer holds me captive. I calmly walk to my bed and crawl under the covers every night--alone, without the use of a night light. You laugh now, but you would have developed the same fear being a small child and watching the movie Little Monsters.

We have a bad experience and, often times, allow it to shape and form the way we live our lives. All of our decisions in that specific arena of life are dictated by that one experience. That is what we call fear--a circumstance, situation, or outcome that causes feelings of dread or apprehension. Fear is the very thing that creates a paradigm shift and keeps us from taking similar risks again. To many, our fears may seem very plausible; and to a point, they may be. However, they move from the plausible to the implausible when we allow them to control and dictate the trajectory of the rest of our lives.

Fear is like a disease! It creeps in, often times unnoticed, and cripples us. It becomes detrimental and debilitating to our very existence. Granted, there is such a thing as healthy fear. To fear God is a healthy fear, according to Scripture. Healthy fear can keep us from making un-wise decisions. But most often, our fears would fall under the category of the unhealthy (even our fear of God has moved into the realm of unhealthy for many of us). As I already pointed out, fear becomes unhealthy when we give it control. It is this fear that makes someone sleep with the light on, never go outside, keep relationships on a superficial level, never commit to marriage, not share their faith. The fear of death would lie on the same playing field as the rest of these. I think you get the picture.

The sad reality is that this is where a majority of us live our life everyday. We live in a perpetual state of fear. This fear holds us back. It keeps us from pursuing things beyond ourselves--the very things we were created to do. When we give fear control, we live far less significant lives than we were intended to. Unfortunately, I am no different from the many. This is where my life has been spent the past several years. Far too long, I have allowed my fears to hold me captive. My fears have been determining the course of my life. Because of fear, I have been eeking my way through life, missing numerous opportunities. Well today, I say no more! No longer will my life be controlled by fear (and regret).

A big fear of mine has always been the fear of failure. By nature, I am a very competitive person. It is hardwired in my DNA. If I know I can't succeed, I usually won't even make an attempt. Knowing this, it is time I make a conscious decision to combat this fear. Here on out, I vow to take risks, even if they will inevitably end in failure. Afterall, I cannot predict the future, so I will never know the outcome until I make the attempt. For the last 4 years, this fear has kept me from pursuing the calling God placed on my life. What if I pursue my dream and fall flat on my face? Can I really make a go of it? Am I even gifted in this area? These are the questions that continually plague me. Please understand, I am not fishing for compliments or a pat on the back. I know the answer to these questions has less to do about me and my ability than my faith in God's ability.

My divorce brought a fear of rejection to the surface. Granted, most of us have this fear innate within us; but, for me, it grew exponentially when the one I vowed to give myself to heart and soul rejected me. Not that I'm the only one that has gone through this, or ever will go through this, but it hit me pretty hard. There was a sense that it was my fault; that I had pushed her away; that I was to blame. I lived with the tension of that fear and guilt for months thinking I wasn't deserving of love and wouldn't find it again. For the better part of a year I built up walls to keep any female at bay. I wasn't going to allow women to hurt me again. And to be completely honest, this is still something I have to be on the lookout for.

Again, these may sound like legitimate fears. But I want you to see why they are not ! In Scripture, John tells us that "perfect love drives out fear." The reason we fear is obvious—we lack perfect love. Since we are imperfect beings, we are incapable of displaying perfect love; however, you should know we are all capable of receiving perfect love that comes only from our heavenly father. If you and I would begin to trust that He knows what He is doing and has our best interest at heart, we could overcome our fears. The result would be phenomenal. It would change the way we make every decision (not to mention the way we see everyone else). His perfect love will drive our fears away. Then, and only then, can we face our fears head on!

KINGDOM COME

What do we mean when we talk about following Jesus? When we say we desire to follow Christ, what exactly are we getting ourselves into? Is it about going to church? How about reading and memorizing Scripture? Does following Jesus mean we manage our sin better? Pray more? How about getting plugged into community? Or, perhaps it is about something totally different! Something more encompassing than each of these individual disciplines. To answer what it means to follow Jesus, we must first determine what theme(s) are central to his message. If we can discover and implement the heart of Jesus, everything else should inevitably align itself.

If we were to read the Bible only to find the heart of Jesus, we would readily find it. Too often, we miss it because we are reading the Bible with our own agenda—to find an answer to our problem, to gain wisdom, to defend our cause (the Bible can do all of these things, but that is not the main purpose God has given us the written Word). God has given us his written Word, in order that we might catch a glimpse of his heart and his plan for his creation.

For starters, I'd like to tell you what isn't at the core Jesus' message. To begin with, it isn't about sin management. His sole desire isn't to keep us accountable to the law. The heart of Jesus isn't about judgment and condemnation. Nor is the core of his message about time or money management. As a matter of fact, Jesus' message is exponentially more others centered than me centered! It's not about church growth. You might be shocked to hear this, but the central message of Jesus isn't even about evangelizing the lost. While all of these are great things, Jesus had far less to say about these than the more pressing matters close to his heart. Don't get me wrong, everything I just listed is important in the life of a follower, but they are all subservient to the overarching theme of Jesus' life.

The central themes of his message are of love, grace and hope. At one point, Jesus tells us his purpose is to seek and save the lost (I've come to conclude he was talking more about redemption and restoration and less about evangelizing, so to speak). And his plan for that, was to walk with us. Take on flesh and live as we lived. To actually live a life of action, not merely theologize and debate the issues. Jesus lived a life worth emulating by humbling himself and serving the least in the kingdom (who we find out have always been the greatest). And his deepest desire was that this might teach us (those who have taken his namesake) only one thing. Jesus hoped we would learn to establish his kingdom here on Earth. And the only way to do that is to, first, love our fellow human beings. And second, to love God. Perhaps I'm off base to mention love for man before love for God, but I believe it is impossible to love God, whom we cannot see, if we care unable to love those we see face to face everyday. Come to think of it, I'm pretty sure that exact statement is found in scripture, so I must not be too far off base.

That is the core of Jesus' message. That is his very heartbeat. In case you missed it, let me succinctly lay it out for you. Jesus wants each of us to love as he loved--unbiased, unhindered, uninhibited. We begin to do this by developing a heart of compassion towards not only the marginalized and the less fortunate (whom I have come to find are pretty easy to love) but the religious, the Pharisaical, the pious, and those who feel entitled and far superior to you and me as well (let's be honest, those are the ones we find more difficult to love). It is only when I begin to do this that other things, like tithing, avoiding temptation, sharing my faith, etc. become easier. Jesus' kingdom would come much quicker and easier, if only you and I could learn to love as he loved--in selfless action, not just word!

TECHNOLOGY

I enjoy technology--for the most part. Actually, a more correct statement would be that I enjoy technology when it works as intended. Technology and I have a love-hate relationship. Technology definitely makes life easier, but I have begun to see the tendency it has to complicate things as well. In spite of all this, I have to admit that I may be a technology junkie--and I don't even have a crackberry. It seems I can't be anywhere without making use of some sort of technology. And heaven forbid I am somewhere without it, I usually feel pretty disoriented. Lately I have discovered it is pretty difficult to disconnect. This presents a huge problem. But it is making me re-evaluate things and hopefully make some changes.

Most of us, I fear, have become far too dependent upon technology. Can you remember the phone number of some of your closest friends--without looking at your cell phone? If the Internet goes down for an extended period of time, do you become less productive? Does the television need to be on while you are preparing meals? While you make your commute to work, how much of that time is the radio infiltrating your ears? Do you actually interact with the people in front of you, or are you preoccupied with the mobile web? Can you make use of a map if your GPS were to stop working for some reason? I hope the picture is becoming clear by now.

Technology can be a great tool; but that means it can be a great hindrance as well. If I am honest with you, I have to admit that technology has had the tendency to be a hindrance for me. When it comes to friends and family, I have used technology as an excuse to disconnect. Phone calls, text messages and emails have become an acceptable replacement for face time. I can make shallow connections with numerous people, all at the same time, without leaving the comfort of my own home. If I'm avoiding someone, caller ID allows me to screen all of their calls (yes, I have done this once or twice...or more). When it comes to text messaging, if I told you I never received it, you would likely accept that as a reasonable excuse since technology doesn't always work as intended. You might think it was still floating around somewhere in cyberspace.

When I am actually in the presence of other human beings, technology has a tendency to distract me. I can be sitting across the room from someone half-heartedly engaging while I am busy texting someone. It seems I can't even get away from technology when I go out to eat--everywhere I look there is a TV mounted to the wall with at least one show I don't mind watching. When it comes to spiritual disciplines, sadly I have embraced technology as a legitimate distraction. For example, when I decide to sit down and spend some quiet time with God, numerous technological devices are at my fingertips. The remote control lays there beckoning me to pick it up. While my cell phone is on vibrate, it makes just as much noise and is just as distracting as if it were to ring. When it comes to every avenue of life, I am finding it more essential that I be intentional and disconnect from technology. Only when I disconnect will I be able to truly connect!

Bottom line is that I can make excuses and blame technology for so many things. Reality is that the only thing I can blame is not a thing at all, but a person. And that person is me! Technology is a neutral medium that can be used for both good and bad. What I do with it and how I make use of it is totally up to me!

(Of course, the irony is that I typed this on a computer and posted it on both my blog and facebook for all the world to see. And we all know, everyone in the world is dying to read my latest blog update.)

DECISION

Let's be honest, some of us are terrible at making decisions. We all know people that couldn't make a decision if their life depended on it. If you were to leave the decision on where to have dinner up to them, there is a possibility you might starve. During those times, I often wonder what is going through their mind that makes it so difficult to decide. More importantly, I wonder what happens when the decision that needs to be made is much more significant, say for example which job to take, where to move, whether or not to marry this or that person, etc.

We are bombarded with decisions around every corner. Some of them really have no bearing on how our day or even our life will play out (i.e. what to eat for dinner). However, there are many decisions we make that have huge implications on life. These decisions will effect every decision that follows and will change the entire outcome of our life. How we respond to each of these decisions we encounter is of utmost importance. I also believe that our response to these decisions has a lot more to say about our faith than we probably realize.

As Christians, we spend a majority of our time waiting on God (and if you've read my post on waiting, you know this is something I'm not great at). We can all think of instances in Scripture in which individuals were told to wait on God. The disciples were told to wait for the Holy Spirit. David waited patiently (sometimes) for God to make Him king. The Israelites waited for guidance and direction (again, sometimes). The authors of Lamentations, Psalms, Hosea, and others encouraged us to continually wait for God. Although waiting is a Biblical principle, I often wonder if it is possible we have taken it a little too far when it comes time to hunker down and decide.

Do we really need to wait on God before we make any decision and take action? Does God really have something to say about everything in life? Is it necessary everything is filtered through prayer? Or in some instances, do I just need to make a decision and take action? My answer to all of these is both yes and no! In the following few paragraphs, I am going to lay out three different types of decisions and how we are to respond.

First off, there are the decisions that should be quick and easy. I believe God’s Word is clear on many things. We should avoid sexual immorality. We should encourage one another. We should feed the homeless. We should share his message. Do we really need to wait on God to give us direction on whether or not to do things such as these--the Biblical mandates Christ has given us? Probably not; because, he has already given us his answer via Scripture. And let's not forget that He has blessed us with common sense (well, some of us at least). So, these decisions shouldn't require a waiting period. And let me add to this category, decisions on what to eat for dinner, what color of car to purchase, etc. Decisions like this just require that we make a decision and live with consequences (both good and bad). These decisions I refer to as the "just make a decision" decision. And let's be honest, to say we need to pray about these decisions is just a delay tactic!

For some Biblical examples of these types of decisions turn your attention to the creation account, the words of Jesus found in Matthew 28, and Paul’s writing found in Philippians 4:8-9. In the first passage we find that Adam and Eve, in the garden, have been given one “No!” and what seems to be a limitless number of yes'. There is no need to ask God and wait to see if the fruit from each tree is acceptable to eat. They already have the answer. The second passage is often referred to as 'the Great Commission.' Jesus' words, 'therefore, go...,' couldn't be more clear. Not wait. Not pray about it. Just go, and make disciples. Now for the final passage. 'Whatever' is the key word here. In two verses it is said seven times. Again, the possibilities are endless. Think about and do anything that is true, honorable, etc.

The second type of decision is the "wait on it" decision. I can't deny the fact that there are many things the Bible is unclear on. It is in those areas, I know waiting on God is a must! And for those decisions, waiting should be coupled with prayer. The Bible clearly tells us that prayer should be our first response. And that we should be in prayer continually. If you want a list of these types of decisions, I can't give them to you, because they will be different for different people. The important thing is to make prayer a priority with these kinds of decisions. However, the key here is that at the time of decision, make a decision, don't wait until then to pray about it. If you have spent time leading up to decision d-day, you should be able to comfortably make a decision. God has hopefully given you direction; if not, perhaps this decision has just turned into the third type.

Finally, the third category of decisions we must make. These decisions are kind of like a walk in the dark. We can't deny there are times in all of our lives where God doesn't give us clear direction, yet a decision is required. More often than not, these decisions will have time tables on them. And in these cases (and all cases), indecision is a decision (and it's usually the wrong decision). While some people may argue that something on a time table isn't God ordained, I would disagree. This is where the whole concept of faith comes into play. Sometimes we have to make decisions based on what little knowledge we have.

You will find Paul and Silas making these kind of decisions in Acts 6:6-10. Even though they didn't have clear direction, they trudged forward in faith, that somehow, someway, God would make things apparent. And when they were headed in the wrong direction, Scripture tells us 'the Spirit of Jesus stopped them.'

It is these times God builds our trust. These decisions teach us that God really does "work things out for the good of those who are called according to his purpose." While it may be difficult to take that step not knowing where it will lead, we need to realize that even if it is wrong, God has the ability to fix and reconcile. If we are seeking God, He will direct our steps. Even in the midst of indecision and wrong decisions, God is sovereign. So, if you are still waiting on God, perhaps he is waiting on you.

TATTOO: MOSES

Behind each of my tattoos there is a story deep with meaning. As I have been getting my most recent sessions of ink, several of you have asked why I was getting this one. That may have been partly due to the fact that until a week ago, it kind of looked like urban camouflage on the inside of my arm. Now that we are close to finishing this piece, it is easy to see Moses parting the Red Sea (or at least I hope it is). Having said that, I thought my blog was a great place to share the stories and significance behind each of my tattoos.

It took a while to figure out what was going to cover the inside of my arm. Granted, I have wanted a half-sleeve for a while, but I wasn't just going to get anything. It, like my other tattoos, had to be something worth permanently putting on my body. I was reading a book a friend gave me called Plan B: What Do You Do When God Doesn't Show Up The Way You Thought He Would. I know, it's a long title, but the book is phenomenal, so I suggest you read it! At the time I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt what God wanted me to do--and I was beginning to see some of that come to fruition. However, I was still a little unsettled as it wasn't happening when or how I had hoped.

About half way through the book, the discussion turned to Moses. From there, I replayed in my mind how his life had played out, specifically after he finally stopped resisting and handed the reigns over to God. In case you aren't familiar, I will catch you up with his story. Moses, a Hebrew, was adopted into Pharaoh's household. During his years in the palace, Moses' people were living in the bondage of slavery to Egypt. Eventually, seeing one of the Egyptians beating a Hebrew, Moses killed the slave-driver and buried the evidence. Lo and behold, this incident came to light and Moses went on the run. Now we jump ahead in the story and find that Moses had been living a pretty normal life until he encountered God and received a call to head back to Egypt and rescue his people. After some wrestling with God, Moses agreed to confront Pharaoh. Through some persuasion and a few miracles (you might call them plagues), Pharaoh let the people go and the Hebrews took off toward the east with Moses. Eventually they come face to face with the Red Sea (I should tell you at this time Pharaoh regretted his decision to let the Hebrews go and his army was in pursuit). Here Moses and his crew find themselves between a rock and a hard place. Moses knew what God had called him to. He knew the promises that were made. But first, they had to overcome this obstacle.

And it is here, we pick up and I put myself in Moses' shoes--the past in hot pursuit, looming over everything and a giant obstacle in the way of the life that has been promised. Over the past few years of rebuilding my life God had given me some big dreams and made some outstanding promises. Occasionally, I even saw glimpses of the future He had in store for me. But that's all they were, glimpses. There came a time (right when I was given the book Plan B) I kind of felt like God was just teasing me. It was as though He was dangling the proverbial carrot right in front of me, always just out of reach. I felt I was ready for what He had in store and wanted to see things start moving. While opportunities were presenting themselves, the progress was still too slow for me. It was then I began thinking about Moses. Thoughts flooded my mind about how he must have felt and what must have been going through his mind standing there at the Red Sea. God had proved himself faithful already (just as He has for me, time and time again), yet, here he was face to face with this insurmountable obstacle. Even though God had been faithful up to this point, I can't help but think Moses still had some lingering doubts. Will you really going to come through God? Are you sure you know what you're doing God? This all had better not be a cosmic joke or I'm going to be furious! There, in the midst of the anxiousness and fear Moses takes a few steps into the Red Sea (there's a lot of significance there), raises his staff and waits for God to do what it is He plans on doing.

That's exactly where my life is at right now. Things seem to be at a stand still. My past can still overtake me if I give up on God and allow it to. I can wait here at this crossroad and allow my mind to be flooded with numerous questions of why, how and when. Or I, like Moses, can take a few steps into the Red Sea, raise my staff (maybe I should get myself one of those to walk around with) and see how God comes through--yet again! I know the dreams and vision I have of restoration and renewal are much bigger than I can accomplish on my own. And I am no longer willing to stand on the shore, letting my mind become flooded with questions to which I may never have answers. So, like Moses, I am wading into the Red Sea, a giant ball of fear and anxiousness, to see what God comes up with this time. And when I cross, on dry land, hopefully I don't have to spend the next 40 years wandering like Moses and his crew.

TALENT

At the risk of sounding bragadocious, you should know God has bestowed some wonderful talent upon me. I'm not saying I'm the best at what I do. Nor am I saying there isn't room for improvement. Reality is, I will probably never receive large sums of money or huge accolades for this. However, I am passionate about this God given talent. So much so, that if I could quit my job and have a guarantee that pursuing this talent would make ends meet I would do it (at least that's what I keep telling myself now). What is this talent I speak of? Cleaning! Actually, that's not what I am talking about. But, if you do know me you would probably agree with that one as well. What I am talking about is preaching (and possibly writing).

Now, can I be honest with you? For the past several years, I haven't done much with this talent. The word that would most accurately describe my use of this talent God has blessed me with is squander. Jesus told a parable about a couple of guys who were given "talents" by their supervisor. Right now, I'm feeling kind of lazy. That means I'm not going to retell you the parable, so I suggest you open your Bible and turn to Matthew 25:14-30 and read it for yourself.

Did you read it yet?

If you haven't, stop reading this until you read the parable!

Now that you have done so, we can continue.

Start off by taking a moment and putting yourself in this story. I would like you to think about which of the servants you can relate to most. Sadly, I can most readily identify with the last one. I am identical to the guy that took his talent and buried it--all out of fear. What caused me to bury my talent was the fear of never measuring up. Never amounting to what I thought God wanted. Only, I never even knew what it was I thought He wanted for me.

By nature, I am a very competitive person. Competitiveness pumps through my veins. It is hard-wired in my DNA. I get upset when I don't perform the way I know I can. This means, I am constantly striving to be the best (not necessarily a bad thing). However, in all my striving I find myself constantly comparing myself to others. When it came to my two talents, I was comparing myself to the guy with five talents (think Andy Stanley, Rob Bell, Craig Groeschel). Of course I was never going to measure up, I haven't been entrusted with five talents; I have been entrusted with two. Nor do I have the experience many of these five talent guys have. This entire time I have been playing the comparison game (which, by the way, never works out for anybody), I wasn't even comparing apples to apples. No wonder I was frustrated and fearful.

Not only have I denied myself the life God intended for me. I have also denied God the opportunity to use me. Furthermore, I took away from others the opportunity to be edified with this talent. In case you were wondering, this is completely unacceptable! If this were baseball, I would have just struck out. Thankfully, that isn't how God operates. I am grateful for the second (third, fourth, fifth, etc.) chances that He offers a guy like me. He had every right to take my two talents and give them to someone that was going to make use of them...but He didn't. I just hope I move beyond the fear and burying aspect, even though a lot of times I feel ill-equipped and completely incapable.

With that I resolve to, first and foremost, dig up my two talents (it's doing nothing buried beneath the fear and unrealistic expectations). Next, I am going to make myself comfortable with the fact that I am a two talent guy, not a five talent guy. The third thing I have decided to do is continue to develop my two talents. Finally, due to my detail oriented personality, it is necessary I set a time-frame to make use of these two talents. The time-frame I have set is one year. I can't waste more time squandering this talent when God wants me to make the most of it and the world needs me to use it.

WRECK

God has managed to wreck my life...yet again! I am approaching two years since my marriage ended in divorce and have finally sorted out the mess and began putting the pieces back together. Not too long ago there was a peace about how everything was playing out and I was really seeing what God was up to. I know very well what the devil intended for harm, God is turning into good. However, since that peace had set in I had basically been in coast mode. Granted, not everything turned out how I would have liked it, but I had faith God was doing something. And a majority of the time, I was comfortable with that. At least that's how it was until I made a trip to Chicago with the leadership team from the church. A group of us took a few days off work and headed to the Willow Creek Leadership Summit, which apparently was the motivation I needed to think through some things and to begin making some changes. It was this point God stepped in yet again, turned off my coast mode and shook things up.

Let me give you some snapshots of my highlights from the conference:

Bill Hybels started the conference on a high note (of course). What he said that stuck with me the most was that, "Leaders rarely learn anything new without having their world rocked." This statement put much of the last 2 years of my life into perspective. Well beyond the shadow of a doubt, I can say my world was rocked to the core 2 years ago in the form of a note on the kitchen counter. That note was the first sign my marriage was falling apart and heading for divorce. But, like Hybels said, there are many lessons I wouldn't have learned otherwise. To begin with, I learned to trust God more--it's kind of necessary when you don't have much else to cling to. It also gave me an opportunity to re-evaluate what was most important to me. There was a lot of time I got to spend getting comfortable with the real Jordan and finding out who he is and what makes him tick. To keep this brief, let's just say there was a lot I learned from having my world rocked by the dissolution of my marriage.

Len Schlesinger, the president of Babson College, gave a rousing discussion on what to do in the face of unknowability. And for me (and everyone else), there is nothing more unknowable than the future. His advice was so simple and logical, "If you can't predict the future, create it!" That sounds like a great idea to me. I wrestled with that idea and how I had been coasting and not creating my future. In case you were wondering, that is completely unacceptable. So, let me lay out some of his advice to create your future. First things first, take small steps with what you have in hand. Small steps tend to limit your risk and helps build momentum. Next, it's important to quit letting the fear of failure dictate the trajectory of your life (which I have been doing with some things for the last 4 years). Failure doesn't mean game over! Failure only means it is time to try again with what you have learned. His last and most timeless piece of advice: take action! It is impossible to get anywhere just by thinking about it. Do something, but always keep in mind, there is no guarantee for success! All of these were things I definitely needed to hear. So far, Willow Creek is up on Jordan two to nothing.

Next we have the mayor of New Jersey, Corey Booker (he definitely didn't disappoint). He shared some of his struggle to bring beauty to one of America's most violent cities. On several occasions he made the statement, "Do somethin'!" This tends to fly in the face of what some of us have been taught in the church. We are told to pray about it and wait on God. Sometimes we fail to see the danger in just waiting. Now don't get me wrong, it is important to pray and wait on God. If we are going to do something, we definitely want to make sure he's in the midst. But, far too often we play the waiting game and use it as a crutch. We fail to act because "God hasn't opened the door," but we fail to see that while he may not have opened the door, he hasn't closed it either. I wonder how often we miss out on what God is doing because of our inaction. If only we would take a step of faith, then he would make it apparent to us (whether that means we fall flat on our face or move on to bigger, better and more challenging things). More often than not, we need to approach the door and turn the handle. (Alright God, I get it! I will take some action and do somethin').

Steven Furtick really rocked the boat for me. "If the size of your vision isn't intimidating to you, chances are it's insulting to God." Thanks, Steven! I have already been wrestling with the vision God has given me for my life. I know very well it is going to be a stretch and will require the miraculous. I'm not comfortable with the vision because I cannot do it...on my own. As if the guilt of that wasn't enough, now you have to tell me I am insulting God. Awesome! According to all of the speakers so far, I really don't have an excuse to not pursue the vision God has given me. I guess I had better set my audacious goals like Furtick suggested and start asking God to make them a reality. Afterall, if he called me, he can equip me and make it happen. If you're keeping score, like me, that's four for Willow Creek and a big fat zero for me!

Another speaker I had the privilege of listening to was Erwin McManus. I have to admit, this is the guy I was most looking forward to hearing all week. Everyone of his books sits on my shelf at home. Numerous times I have read through them and lent them to friends and family. Seeing as how he was finishing off the conference, I knew whatever he had to say was going to be a kick to the face. During the conference he made such a simple, yet profound statement. I have been mulling over for a while now trying to process it and do something with it. McManus said, "No one is born ordinary, unfortunately many of us die ordinary." (Yep, that was definitely a kick to the face). While I have not died yet (obviously), I have allowed some of my hopes and dreams to die. For some time now, I have settled for the mundane and the ordinary. Why? Because ordinary is easy. Orindary I can handle all on my own. The ordinary isn't challenging and doesn't require God's help. Living an ordinary life allowed me, at times, to remove God from the equation. (I'm not saying I lost faith, I just wasn't using it unless absolutely necessary).

Alright God, you win! I guess it's time I take some risks and start pursuing your purpose for my life--yet again. Afterall, I know I will be miserable until I do so. I've seen it play out like this every time I decided to run from you before. I'm not going to be so dumb as to do it again. So, here I am! I don't have all the answers. I'm not ready for all of this. But I guess I'm willing to step out in faith and watch you work and provide as you always do. Just stop wrecking my life for a little while!